Is he hiding something?

Women's magazines are full of wonderful articles with advice for women, by women. Often the articles are about our pet subject - men, those complex creatures that we can't live with and can't live without.

An online survey in 2007 on one of the South African news websites found that about 80% of South African women would like to have more sex.

One of the sexperts, Dr Beata Cybulska, says: "If the sex is bad, he is hiding something." That comment did not go down well in my group of boyfriends (oops! I mean male friends), so I asked for their take on it and that sure was enlightening.

The guys told me that their friends who have had affairs, felt that their sexual prowess with their wives improved during affairs instead of deteriorating. This is due to the adrenaline rush of 'hiding something'. This of course doesn't mean that you are doomed to bad sex if you want a faithful partner. It's about finding balance and learning to become compatible and learning to know your partner's go-signs and the stop-signs.

When a woman feels disconnected from her partner, she may become insecure and sex is the last thing on her mind. She will start looking for ways to detect an affair. When women are stressed, tired or upset, they are not in the mood. Men need sex to celebrate the good things in life.

On the flip side, when men are stressed, tired or upset - they need sex as an outlet and perhaps during those times their performance may not be up to scratch. "This doesn't mean you did something wrong or that he is hiding something." says one man. It could simply mean that he has work-related issues on his mind, or that he's worried about finances or something equally boring.

The men are in agreement that women over-complicate them - "We are simple creatures that just want a simple life." (I clarified - they don't want the cast of Mnet's Simple Life - only the one they're with!). Men don't always discuss issues that are taxing them with their wives, so as not to concern her unneccesarily. I personally have stopped asking Wade questions such as "What's worrying you? Come on, talk to me." and my life is much more peaceful.

If you don't want him to be quiet when he returns from work, you could follow these tips to put him in a great mood:

* Have a cold beer ready for when he gets home

* Instead of slaving behind the stove for hours (and put him on a guilt trip), rather order take outs - to symbolise and tune into the simple mood he is in

* Let him watch a game whilst you go have a long, relaxing bath and tittevate to your heart's content - he will appreciate you not being needy and demanding

* Give him a nice shoulder massage

By this time he will have forgotten all his worries and be so appreciative of your understanding and support, that you will be the only thing on his mind!
He will be ready to curl your toes with excitement!