For the Guys: When your younger wife grows up

There is a fine line between 'younger wife' and 'trophy wife'.

Very few men can withstand the ego boost of a young woman's flattery, whether overt or unintentional, but there's more to it than what meets the eye. We are talking about relationships with a large age gap, but what exactly is a large age gap? A girl of 14 going out with a guy of 20 doesn't seem acceptable to me. A woman of 40 going out with a man of 50 - that's hardly any difference. This article however is based on a relationship that started a few years ago between a 19 year-old girl and a man of 38.

What do people say about relationships where there's a large age gap?

"Cradle snatcher!" they said about him, "Fortune seeker!" the women said about her, "It will never work" said the others. "What do they have in common?" and "Is he insane?"

She was a young girl, unsure about herself and her destiny in life. He was confident, secure and caring. She had no point of reference regarding anything he had to say and she worshipped the ground he walked on. They had a physical connection and a lot of fun together, which made up for her lack of confidence and life experience. Against all odds, he fell in love with her.

As time passed, she grew up, became a young woman. His love and gentle nurturing made her blossom like a beautiful flower, in every area of her life. She was suddenly wise beyond her years, she oozed confidence and innovative. This is hard for an older man to handle. In other relationships with a woman their own age, the growth is more subtle as the man and woman grow together and learn together. At around 40, one has pretty much arrived or perhaps the growth spurts are not that intense. Seeing someone whom you gently nurtured under your wing, suddenly break free and rise up into the sky, soaring like an eagle is a bitter-sweet occassion.

Suddenly, she seems to need you less, even if it's in your own mind only. She challenges your thinking, develops opinions that may clash with yours and suddenly, the control shifts away. You never inteded to control her, but since you are double her age, it was natural that the person with more life experience should take the lead. But now, she is an adult too and yearns to find her own place in life - you are no longer her only focus. She no longer seems to dance to your tune as much as she used to.

The way in which the man handles this situation is vital to the longevity of the relationship. He could choose to suppress her growth by becoming more controlling and set his expectations out to her firmly. This will make her rebel and lead to the demise of the relationship, even if it's in 20 years' time. No woman can be oppressed forever.

Alternatively, if he loves and respects her and wants the relationship to work, he will allow her to grow and be proud of the masterpiece he had a hand in. This way, she will repay his kindness by bearing in mind his opinions too in her search for the truth, growth and her destiny.

As per Emerson Eggerich, the author of Love and Respect explains, there is a Crazy Cycle revolving around love and respect in relationships. A woman needs love and a man needs respect. A woman can't respect a man who doesn't love her and a man can't love a woman who doesn't respect him. Those are the two essential elements in a successful relationship.

Don't expect her to tell you that she's being difficult as she is 'growing' - you are the older, wiser partner - anticipate this and accept it. Give her space to grow and give her an emotional hand up. This will get her through the tough times faster and you will reap the benefits of your sacrifice - that is a guarantee!